Why does it seem so easy for others to find love but so difficult when it comes to me? I look around at my friends and family. They met at work, the gym, school, or through friends. I mean, it doesn't seem like anyone has the difficulties in finding love as I do.
Take my friend, Marc, for instance. He gazed at his spouse from across the gym. They met up later that night and haven't been apart since. Why can't this happen to me..well besides the fact I don't go to the gym??
I mean, I haven't met anyone through work, and there is no possibilities even there. My friends are all married and don't know any good single guys. And I'm no longer in school, so that's out of the question. Everywhere I turn, people are in love.
So, what does that leave? Online dating??!! I'm trying that, and I'm still not having any luck. Not all the good ones are taken, I know there still has to be some great ones left. Where are they and how do I go about finding them?
It gets frustrating sometimes, realizing that love isn't as easy to find as you once thought it would be. I know, I know...it shouldn't be easy, especially considering he is going to be the one person I spend the rest of my life with. I guess I just wish I had more possibilities for finding him.
There are hundreds of ways to find him, so why can't I think of them? My success with online dating has not been success to say the least. It seems the ones I am interested in don't email me back, and the ones that are interested in me, I don't find appealing. It only takes one, I know...but I would just like better odds.
I have spent most of my adult life single, which has never bothered me...that is until now. I finally realized a couple of years ago that I do want to get married; I do want to have kids. And since I had that epiphany, it seems like I can't find any potential men.
I have always had high expectations when it comes to guys. I refuse to settle. In my twenties, I'm sure I went out with guys that I would never consider marrying, because I never thought about marriage back then. Now that I know I want that, other qualities play into the equation. For instance, he has to want kids. That is a deal breaker to me, especially since I'm 36. I can't wait a few years for him to decide if he wants kids...not that I want them right away (but I'll tell you about that another day).
You can also never underestimate the power of chemistry. He and I could have a ton of things in common, but if there is no spark in person, then it's not going anywhere. I don't just want to feel a spark; I want to feel the fire, the burning desire of just looking at him and thinking, "Gosh, he is so sexy."
I've only been in one long term relationship. Every other guy I went out with, I would go with for about a month, find a reason why it wouldn't work, and break it off. My one long term relationship ended about two years ago. And when it did, I finally knew what I had been missing with all my other "one month guys." I like coming home to someone, having him ask how my day was, and just lying on the couch with him. It's crazy to think how you don't think of these things when you are in the situation, and then one day you wake up and realize how much you miss the simple things.
It's not just about those things I miss, but it's about my finding the right person for me to enjoy those things with. I want to find someone who helps me be a better person, challenges me and my thoughts, lifts me up to higher levels, makes my sides hurt from laughing, appreciates and relishes my quirks, listens without judgements, and loves me for me, for he will get all that and more in return.
So, here's to a continues Looking for Love journey, because I know some how, some way, we will find each other. I'm just hoping it's sooner rather than later.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Turning 36
I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. It is painful to admit, but it's the truth. So a few days before my 36th birthday without knowing where else to look, I decided to join an online dating website for the second time. I had joined about a year ago, with a few one time dates out of it but nothing more. I was a member for five months, then I got impatient with the process and stopped altogether.
I need to be more proactive if I'm going to find love before I turn 40. Let's admit it, I haven't had the most successful love life, and I've been an adult for half my life...so I need to go full force for these four years! In joining the online site this time, I decided I'm going to be more patient and give it more of a chance. After all, it only takes one person.
A week after I joined this time, I had a date. It's never a good sign when you see the person and you instantly think, "Can I turn back or is it too late?" Well, I decided to approach and try it, who knows what might happen, right?!
Well, I went to shake his hand and he stood up and hugged me. A little awkward to say the least.
I sat down, and immediately said something...so non-important, I can't even recall what it was.
The conversation was slow moving, which is never a good sign. Now, one of the things that I really liked about this guy is his adventurous side. He went biking in China, zip lining in Chile, etc. So I loved that aspect.
As he was telling me about his brother who lives in Japan, his left hand was on top of his right laying on the table. He was sitting straight up, with very little movement, almost like he was in an interview. Whereas I was leaning slightly back in my chair, relaxed, and a few hand movements here and there.
He spoke about a little about his travels (which I love to travel too) his adventures. So two things that I love that could be interesting weren't spoken about much.
He thoroughly answered my questions but had very few questions that he asked me. To me, if someone was interested, they would have a million questions to ask me...afterall, he doesn't know anything about me. If not, what's it going to be like in 5 years when we know everything about each other.
I felt like I was the interviewer so much that I stopped asking questions and thought, "I'm going to just wait to see how long it takes him to ask me something." Well, let's just say, it seemed like we sat there forever...although it might have only been a few minutes.
When I meet my "wish man" the conversation should flow smoothly...or at least flow.
The guy chose a loud place where the Cowboys were playing on TV. He said he didn't know it would be that loud. I caught myself watching the TV or watching the large table next to us.
When the food arrived, it took some of the pressure off the conversation...or lack of it. Yet, there was still uncomfortable silence. When we finished eating, he suggested we let some of the more "die hard" Cowboys fans have the table, and "We could take a walk." I was all to eager to agree to get up, although any girl in heels most likely doesn't want to go on a walk.
We walked around the area for about 10 minutes, then we walked in the parking garage. I told him, "You don't have to walk me to my car. Thank you again for dinner." We hugged bye and left. There won't be a second date.
There is really no accounting for chemistry. Someone can be "hot," but if there is no chemistry, it just won't work (although this guy in person wasn't "hot." Whereas, the person could be a little less good looking and if you have chemistry, that could make all the difference in the world. It's amazing how chemistry works...and it varies depending on the two people involved.
Here's to one man down, another to come...Now where is the next??
Oh, and let me just tell you..the ones I'm interested in on the site, aren't emailing me back. The guys that are emailing me are not any I am interested in...I mean they would be if I liked guys old enough to be my dad, twenty year olds, or non-attractive ones. I know he is out there...I just don't know where, but I'm not giving up! So, join me in my four year journey...hopefully, I'll find him before 4 years. Here's to wishful thinking!
I need to be more proactive if I'm going to find love before I turn 40. Let's admit it, I haven't had the most successful love life, and I've been an adult for half my life...so I need to go full force for these four years! In joining the online site this time, I decided I'm going to be more patient and give it more of a chance. After all, it only takes one person.
A week after I joined this time, I had a date. It's never a good sign when you see the person and you instantly think, "Can I turn back or is it too late?" Well, I decided to approach and try it, who knows what might happen, right?!
Well, I went to shake his hand and he stood up and hugged me. A little awkward to say the least.
I sat down, and immediately said something...so non-important, I can't even recall what it was.
The conversation was slow moving, which is never a good sign. Now, one of the things that I really liked about this guy is his adventurous side. He went biking in China, zip lining in Chile, etc. So I loved that aspect.
As he was telling me about his brother who lives in Japan, his left hand was on top of his right laying on the table. He was sitting straight up, with very little movement, almost like he was in an interview. Whereas I was leaning slightly back in my chair, relaxed, and a few hand movements here and there.
He spoke about a little about his travels (which I love to travel too) his adventures. So two things that I love that could be interesting weren't spoken about much.
He thoroughly answered my questions but had very few questions that he asked me. To me, if someone was interested, they would have a million questions to ask me...afterall, he doesn't know anything about me. If not, what's it going to be like in 5 years when we know everything about each other.
I felt like I was the interviewer so much that I stopped asking questions and thought, "I'm going to just wait to see how long it takes him to ask me something." Well, let's just say, it seemed like we sat there forever...although it might have only been a few minutes.
When I meet my "wish man" the conversation should flow smoothly...or at least flow.
The guy chose a loud place where the Cowboys were playing on TV. He said he didn't know it would be that loud. I caught myself watching the TV or watching the large table next to us.
When the food arrived, it took some of the pressure off the conversation...or lack of it. Yet, there was still uncomfortable silence. When we finished eating, he suggested we let some of the more "die hard" Cowboys fans have the table, and "We could take a walk." I was all to eager to agree to get up, although any girl in heels most likely doesn't want to go on a walk.
We walked around the area for about 10 minutes, then we walked in the parking garage. I told him, "You don't have to walk me to my car. Thank you again for dinner." We hugged bye and left. There won't be a second date.
There is really no accounting for chemistry. Someone can be "hot," but if there is no chemistry, it just won't work (although this guy in person wasn't "hot." Whereas, the person could be a little less good looking and if you have chemistry, that could make all the difference in the world. It's amazing how chemistry works...and it varies depending on the two people involved.
Here's to one man down, another to come...Now where is the next??
Oh, and let me just tell you..the ones I'm interested in on the site, aren't emailing me back. The guys that are emailing me are not any I am interested in...I mean they would be if I liked guys old enough to be my dad, twenty year olds, or non-attractive ones. I know he is out there...I just don't know where, but I'm not giving up! So, join me in my four year journey...hopefully, I'll find him before 4 years. Here's to wishful thinking!
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